


Start Somewhere

by KJGooding



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Gen, Speeches, Trill Culture (Star Trek)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:08:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25614100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KJGooding/pseuds/KJGooding
Summary: Ezri and Julian gather the hopeful Initiates to explain some of the joys and challenges of the new Joining process.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 7





	Start Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Demigod](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21837430) by [KJGooding](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KJGooding/pseuds/KJGooding). 



> I wanted a place to store all of my Trill Symbiont and Host concepts, from their anatomy to some of the side-effects of Joining. Julian and Ezri giving a speech seemed the best way to present them in a friendly, less-than-bland-academic way! That's the whole point of this, and I hope you find it interesting!

**2381**

There were worse places in the universe to be, Julian thought, than a medical conference. Granted, his attendance always made him nervous in the past - generally because he hated to leave the comfort of the station and dive all alone into the dangers of uncharted space. But he had not called the station ‘home’ in years. He called a chosen network of family ‘ _ home _ ’ now, and all of them were due to be with him. 

Still, he was nervous. This was set to be the first talk of its kind - comprehensive in the physical and mental qualifications of Joining, made to welcome absolutely every young Trill who wanted to hear it. There were other races invited, too, by nature of Julian’s definitions of  _ home _ , and the fact he was the primary speaker at the event… and the secondary speaker was a spouse of his, who was happy to bend tradition to accommodate him. The Bajoran delegation was Julian’s advanced class, and the Cardassian delegation came for philanthropic reasons. Doctor Parmak was delighted to lead their class - Elim on their arm as their favored guest - in learning the medical needs of an alien race  _ purely  _ to help them, not to take them to the brink of death in interrogation rooms. How  _ refreshing _ , they said. 

The Federation was always eager to extend invitations to non-member races, but Julian rolled his eyes and looked past this - it was important to Ezri to keep her commission. She had impressed her superiors, and  _ herself _ , with her diplomatic efforts as Captain so far, and it wouldn’t hurt to gently invite Bajor and Cardassia again at the end of the presentation. Julian might tease her about it, but it would not  _ hurt _ . 

She stood at the front of the auditorium, patting her hands against the podium, listening to the gentle echo of the hollow  _ everblue  _ wood. Native Trill materials were still new and alluring to her, and she recognized the thin, sparkling blue wood from her walks around the Symbiosis campus. The trees were spindly and their trunks felt like a texture Julian described as leather, and their dried wood made elegant decorations, however impractical. She tried to make herself look at home, but she was always overshadowed by a feeling of being in the wrong place, the wrong body, the wrong time. 

Julian came in from the side door, with Rali holding his hand and trudging along beside him. Her boots were coated with slushy ice, but she looked like she was having fun. It was always nice to see her on Trill; Ezri thought her daughter was more comfortable with these surroundings than she was, herself, despite Rali  _ also  _ feeling at odds with her body and the two worlds she came from. 

Julian scooped her up in his arms, spun around, and whirled past Ezri at her podium, on the way to deposit Rali at the desk off to the side of the auditorium. He helped her get situated, setting up her stuffed symbiont toy and a stack of watercolor parchment. Attendees were still taking their seats, so Ezri took a moment to walk up behind Julian, touching his waist because she could not as easily reach his shoulder. He turned and smiled at her.

“Nervous?” she asked. 

“ _ How can you tell _ ,” he said, into a quiet laugh. “Yes, of course I am.”

“Hmm,” she exhaled slowly, hoping he would do the same to soothe himself. “Hi Rali!”

She rushed to the other side of the desk to give Rali a tight hug, feeling great love and echoes of ‘ _ mama! _ ’ even though Rali only squealed to convey her delight. Their mental connection was something special, something Julian ached for in two ways; one, he could not have it, and two, Ezri had not lived alongside her daughter in years. 

“We’ll be talking for quite a while, sweetheart,” Julian gently reminded Rali. “It might be a lot for you to listen to. If you want to leave, look for Taya Lenara…”

“...She’ll be walking all around the theater,” Ezri chimed in. “She’ll take you outside to play when you want a break."

Rali shook her head and stared down, embarrassed to meet Ezri’s eyes - a gesture she had undoubtedly learned from her father. 

“You want to listen to the whole presentation?” Julian confirmed. “You can, that’s alright. But if you  _ can’t _ , we--”

Ezri nodded reassuringly. Rali mirrored this, but ultimately took up her symbiont and clutched it close to her chest.  _ It is about Joining _ , this gesture said,  _ of course I want to listen! Duh! _

In teasing finality, she tapped it against her forehead and giggled to herself. Julian had to glance back and forth between her and Ezri. 

“It  _ is  _ all about Joining,” he said, because Rali loved to hear it. “Are you going to take notes like the other Initiates?”

Her mouth went wide, and she began frantically unfolding her papers and gathering her painting supplies from the little kit she always carried - or Julian always carried for her. 

“Very good,” he said, clapping his hands together. “Now, we really should be getting started, shouldn’t we,  _ Captain _ ?”

Ezri reached up and playfully pried apart his hands, taking one to clutch tightly. 

“Deal,” she said. “All yours,  _ Doctor _ .”

He felt his nerves prickling again, nearly causing him to shiver. There were hundreds of hopeful Trill Initiates in attendance - with many more watching a live, Federation broadcast of the event - along with a few dozen Cardassian, Bajoran, and Human students. They were all here to see him, to hear what he had to say, to have him decide their fate. 

Ezri told him this auditorium was used for final presentations in the past - where Initiates came and defended their right to a symbiont in front of a delegation, however biased the previous system may have been. It brought Julian some comfort to think they had moved past that, and opened their curriculum to anyone who wanted to participate and learn more about the symbiont race, on mutual terms. He shivered anyway; the auditorium was cold. 

“Good morning,” he said, leaning over the microphone. “I’m Doctor Julian Bashir, from the Bajoran Medical Education Board. Today we’re going to be discussing the evolutionary history of symbionts, the physical and mental properties of Joining and Disjoining - along with my counterpart, Captain Tigan, a respected psychologist - and then we will have an open forum for your questions, concerns, and for you to express interest in the Mutual Symbiosis Program. You’ve no doubt seen our Docents, Drs. Kahn and Crusher, throughout the auditorium, helping you find your seats, and er… flag them down at the end of the programme, and they would be happy to help you submit yourself for consideration. Now… let’s get into the good stuff, shall we?”

Ezri offered an encouraging nod, then gave a quiet command to dim the lights. Julian could hear Rali gasping from her desk across the room; she liked darker rooms, they usually meant she was about to watch a glowing communication display from the symbionts. This time, she was tuning in to a glowing digital screen, and the holographic slideshow her parents had compiled. The first hologram  _ was  _ a symbiont - expanded for illustrative purposes to four times its natural size - and Julian gestured to the symbiotic nerve. 

“We’re starting here, square one. The symbiotic nerve. And about two of your Migration periods into the past -  _ thousands _ of my years. It’s a lot to cover, and those of you who haven’t met me yet… you’re about to discover how much I enjoy talking about this particular subject. Captain Tigan will likely have to cut me off.”

Ezri nodded again, with a different, more mischievous spark in her eyes this time. 

“And I will,” she said. 

“Good. So, the symbiotic nerve,” Julian picked his joyous, rambling tone right back up again, pressing his hands down against the podium. “The Joining procedure has been altered dramatically over the years, to the detriment of both parties. We are on the cusp of making it mutually beneficial again.”

He stepped back from the podium and touched the hologram directly; the image was programmed to allow manipulation of certain fields, including the placement of the symbiotic nerve. Julian lifted it slightly, so the audience could observe its thickness, as well as the network of tiny, reddish nerve-endings visible underneath it. 

“I’m sure a few of you know that Joining originated as a temporary exchange of information and body heat. It began around the wrists of Trill humanoids, who found the symbionts in a hot spring and assumed they were in distress. They found, as they passed the symbionts back and forth between their family groups, that memories and feelings began blurring from one Host to the next.”

Ezri came to stand beside him, with an interjection from her field of expertise. 

“Of course,” she said, gently nudging his waist so he knew she was approaching, “this had horrible effects on the mental health of many involved. We have found writings from the  _ Ellef  _ family - all of them took the name of the symbiont they shared - and their diaries show us how painful it was for each of them to lose their sense of self. We watch them gradually adopt one single identity, and lose all sense of privacy they previously had - as individuals within the family structure. There were fifteen of them in the house - parents, children,  _ taya  _ of every variety. All of them broke under this pressure - after ten years, all of them were addicted to the attention of the symbiont, to the point they fought over connecting with it. In the end, the  _ Ellef  _ symbiont was left to rot, and its skeletal remains were found when the cave was excavated, only several years ago.”

“But,” Julian added, more hopefully, “there were other symbionts in circulation, and they traveled with their Hosts to the Eastern and Western hemispheres. We begin to see two different approaches to Joining, along with the slow evolution of the Trill humanoid race to accommodate the symbionts. In the East, they are secretive; they prefer stuffing the symbiont into their monotremic pouch lining and hiding it there - while in the West, Hosts continue to Join publicly with their symbionts tethered to their wrists.”

At this cue, the hologram changed to show the two different hemispheric subspecies of Trill, the relatively plain humanoids of the East, and the spectacularly spotted counterparts of the West. Julian could not suppress a grin. 

“Eastern Trill experienced a much deeper connection with the symbionts, although their physical anatomy was far different, and did not allow them to live as Joined beings for very long. In the West, humanoids took a less rushed, invasive approach, and were rewarded over several hundred years with gradual evolutionary changes. We have discovered that Trill symbionts used in the West communicated with their Host instantaneously, and were even able to alter the spots on the Host’s skin in order to convey their emotions. It took longer for them to integrate fully, but we believe this process was the better of the two.”

“There are very few Native Eastern Trill left,” Ezri said, in a solemn voice. “Joining takes such a toll on them, but they can’t live any longer with a symbiont than they can without one.”

“Which brings us to our next point,” Julian added, “stimulation of the symbiotic nerve. Trill communication - particularly in the West - developed at an amazingly quick pace. The symbionts, as you know, are telepaths and empaths at a short range. When Western Trill eventually began keeping their symbionts inside their bodies - because otherwise they were in danger of being stolen - they found the connection was enhanced, to the point it allowed Joined humanoids to form telepathic connections with members of their household. Or anyone they spent a good deal of time in close proximity with.”

“This was  _ exactly  _ the key we needed to unlock this whole ancient history,” Ezri said kindly, giving a slight tip of her head toward Rali, who was still sitting at the desk, looking captivated with the giant symbiont projection. “I had  _ no choice  _ when it came to my Joining. I had  _ not _ done any of the physical conditioning the Old Commission required of its Initiates - I was Joined in an emergency circumstance. I was not going to turn a symbiont away and let it die. All my life, I had heard they  _ needed  _ to live inside a Host to be safe and healthy. It never even crossed my mind that we could change this… but then I--  _ we  _ had a child.”

“We found that Ezri’s newfound telepathic connection with Dax was transferred,  _ copied _ , into the womb. Since Dax was not connected to her as tightly, due to the lack of conditioning in Ezri’s symbiotic nerve system, the connection had more freedom to travel, like it must have done centuries ago, when Joinings were conducted on more temporary terms. From there, we began researching the language, but it was impossible for us to decode, until we offered Dax the ability to voice itself in letters we could understand.”

“We don’t know exactly when symbionts lost the ability to manipulate the spots on their Host’s skin, but it must’ve been at least six hundred years ago,” Ezri explained. “Because we have clear written and photographic records from that time, demonstrating Hosts who selected their given names from their spot patterns. Many families still follow this practice today, when naming their children.”

“But, when provided a special dosage of a dyeing agent and a contrasting paper, we found Dax could still manipulate the Trill alphabet in order to speak with us, and convey at least basic messages. Since it did not have a strong connection with Ezri, it wanted to separate from her. And she encouraged this--”

“I was faced  _ directly  _ with all of its past trauma,” Ezri admitted. “It was a lot for me to deal with as a counselor, let alone trying to accept it was part of  _ me _ , at the time. I encouraged it to separate itself from me, because I thought this would be healthier for both of us. We just needed Julian over here to work out the details of the surgery.”

“Right,” he said, with a nervous chuckle. “It took some time…”

The holographic image changed again, to the recording Julian’s surgical instruments made of Jadzia’s procedures, all overlaid together and scrubbed of any identifying information - such as the flaring pattern of spots along her jawline, where her name was selected from. He had compiled the time he separated her and Dax on Verad’s command, then brought them together again. He also incorporated footage of her original Joining procedure, conducted on Trill, and the time she died and left Dax in his hands. 

“I am sure  _ all of you  _ have heard that separation will kill the Host. In a physical sense, this is only true if one makes a mistake. Really, there is no need to lose a Host to hemorrhaging, unless the surgeon is  _ grossly  _ unprepared to reattach the symbiotic nerves to a redundant assistive device. Now, the pressure placed on Hosts and Symbionts to Join has made the available timeframe  _ much  _ shorter, but it is still not an impossible procedure. I imagine, centuries ago, the Joining itself took several days. This is what we are working our way back to, now, by granting symbionts time to rest in medicated pools between Joinings so they can  _ relax _ , rather than overload their new Host instantly with however many lifetimes’ of information.”

“But it can still kill you from a psychological standpoint,” Ezri said, touching the holographic screen so the image faded away entirely. “As of now, we still believe that once stimulated, a symbiotic nerve requires input in order to be functional. Otherwise, the Host feels the stimulation but receives no input, which can lead to communication deficits and then a lack of personal identity. It is important to keep one’s symbiotic nerve active, so we do still encourage you as Initiates to consider Joining a lifelong commitment. Now, if your symbiont is not right for you - even after our enhanced matching process - you have the option to Disjoin, but you need to be prepared to have another symbiont - natural or artificial - placed as soon as possible.”

Julian glanced at Rali, feeling uncomfortable every time he needed to acknowledge her  _ communication deficits  _ and her  _ lack of identity _ . No, she had an identity, it was simply a passion for another form of life. He could not fault her for that, he could not fault her for communicating in her own preferred way, he could not--

He could not fault Ezri for paraphrasing these notes directly from his personal research papers. Rali had so much in common with them both, but he knew she would eventually come to  _ need  _ a symbiont, like any other Trill in the scenario they were describing. Her circumstances were different, but so were Ezri’s, so were Julian’s… 

“It isn’t a  _ disability _ ,” Julian emphasized. 

“No, it isn’t,” Ezri added her support. “And we would accept blame for matching anyone poorly to a symbiont. But we’re being proactive, and trying to do all of the necessary research ahead of time, so no one has to endure this. We’re just doing our part and informing you of all the possibilities that come with Joining - good and bad.”

“It would be an acquired preference for Symbiotic communication, which is something that can only be conducted if one exists in close proximity to a symbiont. It is nothing that cannot be accommodated,” he said, turning and giving a little nod to Rali, even though he doubted she understood the finer points of this conversation. He would never dream of making her feel neglected, or worse, actively cast out.

Ezri touched the holographic field again - it had gone dark and dormant, but her touch brought up the original image with the symbiotic nerve. Julian held the end of it with a look of reverence on his face, and as much care as if it were a real, living creature. 

“As I said, we are redesigning the surgical process to make the transition from Individual to  _ Joined _ Individuals more gradual and comfortable for both parties. We’re relying on the symbionts to introduce their past memories slowly, but we are preparing them for this with extended recuperation periods. While this will lessen the amount of available symbionts for the first few years, we are hopeful in seeing their numbers increase through natural reproduction.”

“That’s a right they’ve been denied for quite awhile,” Ezri said, flaring her nostrils ever so slightly; Julian could tell the topic upset her. “We placed so much stress on Joining that we stopped allowing them any time to themselves. We thought this was good for us, we thought it was good for  _ them  _ and helped keep them safe and healthy, but we were  _ completely backward _ .”

“But we anticipate at least fifteen new symbionts being born in captivity by the end of this year, alone,” Julian said, “and it’s already midwinter!”

“Now… another risk we will see with this is the tendency to Reassociate,” Ezri explained, “but we’ve nullified any criminal charges associated with that term. We realize that, as we allow symbionts to form meaningful relationships of their own, those will likely influence their new Hosts. I’ve experienced this myself, and I think it is  _ beautiful _ . Imagine… walking into a room full of friends - feeling that kind of comfort and belonging out of nowhere. It was really good for me, because I never, um… I never felt that way when I was younger. But then I felt like I really had the chance to build my own family, however I wanted, and Dax was there to guide me to the right people. Dax was part of that family structure, too.”

“Excuse me, Captain…?” a voice from somewhere in the dark auditorium chimed up. 

When Julian focused his vision, he could see their hand raising, shaking slightly. He could sympathize with the anxiety this person must have been feeling - and it was a human gesture, so he understood it as intended. 

“Yes?” Ezri invited them to continue. 

“You and Doctor  _ J’leen _ were married, weren’t you? Is that what you’re referring to? I’m sorry to intrude, I meant no offence, but--”

“Julian is fine,” Julian said, shrugging off the formality. “But while I  _ am _ a Bajoran representative, I myself am human - my name doesn’t follow the Bajoran structure. And, er… yes.”

He glanced sideways at Ezri, offering an apology.

“We try not to make our presentations so personal,” he explained. “The underlying science is applicable to  _ all  _ future Joinings, and to anyone currently Joined who has experienced unpleasant side-effects and wants to separate.”

“And  _ we  _ are currently separated,” Ezri said. “Julian and I. In the same kind of way… where it was working, but not like we first imagined.”

“Right, see, a bit personal,” Julian shrugged again, and tried to force himself to laugh. “But the facts are the facts, regardless of our own experience.”

“I’m sorry,” the student’s voice was quiet. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Ezi said, hiding her embarrassment well. “But while we’re on the subject, Joining can also impact a Host’s fertility cycle, both physically and psychologically. I know many of you from our classes have met Rali, our daughter.”

Julian bit his lip and stared on, unpleasantly surprised, as Ezri gestured at Rali. The desk she sat at was shrouded mostly in darkness, save for a small lamp set up over her shoulder so she could draw during the lecture. Ezri saw his warning expression and stepped back, returning her attention to the whole audience instead of Rali alone. 

“In general terms,” Ezri insisted, “Joining with a symbiont will greatly affect the resources available to a developing baby. But you may also find Joining changes your interest in having a family, in the first place. In  _ vague  _ terms, Rali and I share a very close, empathic connection, but I feel Dax and Doctor Bashir are more her ‘ _ parents’ _ than I am. Joining is going to blur some of the definitions and terms you use for your family structure, and that’s okay.”

“Physically,” Julian chimed in, eager to return to strictly scientific themes, “the symbiont relies on you for nutrition, telepathic input, and protection. As Ezri mentioned, these are the same things a fetus relies on while developing within your monotremic uterus. If at all possible, you should try to line your cycles up in such a way that would allow a Non-Joined party to carry the baby to term. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. It isn’t  _ impossible  _ to be Joined  _ and  _ pregnant, but you’ll be predisposed to complications from conception through the birth itself. Our research on this is… limited… but we already know how difficult it is for Non-Joined Trill to reproduce, and we know the symbiont does not make it any easier.”

“So in addition to juggling all  _ that _ ,” Ezri said, scrolling through the holographic emitter with one fingertip, eventually settling on an image showing the symbiont’s connection to the Host’s brain, “Joining may cause you to experience  _ dysphoria _ \- discomfort with your body in relation to your image of yourself.”

“All of you will experience this in some form, since we’re transitioning away from instant Joining and complete submission of the Host’s personality. We want you to integrate your personality  _ with  _ the symbiont’s, forming a more complex but  _ mutual  _ internal memory structure. So you will be predisposed to any disagreements between your personality and that of your symbiont.”

“Some of these may reflect gender or desire to have a family, as I mentioned,” Ezri reiterated, “or it may be more profound. We have seen Joined individuals experience changes in their diet, dexterity, and even physical ability. Joining takes a great toll on Hosts, and we are working hard to make it less stressful for everyone. It really is a beautiful opportunity that we have developed and worked into our very anatomy, and our very core as a culture.”

The holographic image changed to show a moving piece - the gradual evolution of Trill, splintering off by hemisphere, with each Host Joining at the very end. Then the video repeated, and Ezri went on.

“It is about caring for others, and expanding our own horizons, challenging our own internal structure. I learned  _ so much  _ in the few years I spent as a Joined Individual. Even though it was not right for me and my symbiont, it opened my eyes to so many traditions that needed updating. It welcomed me into a loving family that I never would have found on my own. These are the pillars of the Federation’s new Symbiosis Commission, and I am eager to see all of you in our classes this coming spring. Thank you.”

“Of course, we’re available for any questions,” Julian rushed to add, as the lights automatically brightened throughout the hall. “Submit your applications to Dr. Kahn or Dr. Crusher now, in person, or leave them in Dr. Kahn’s office by the end of the week.”

A light scattering of applause originated from the human segment of the audience, which the Bajorans then added to, clapping with the back of one hand landing in the palm of the other. The Cardassians had seen this custom enough to copy it, leaving the Trill quiet in their own university, on their own terms. Julian thought it was nice… poetic. But didn’t they have questions about their futures?

He walked over to the desk, where Ezri had already gone to huddle beside Rali, giving an affirmative commentary as Rali scrolled through the entire parchment she had illustrated with spots and squiggles. Julian was eager to join in. 

“Oh, that’s  _ wonderful _ , sweetheart. You’re a very good listener,” he assured, gently patting her shoulder. 

“I knew all of it already,” Rali insisted, in a stubborn tone she could have taken from either one of her parents.

She continued on nonverbally, running her fingers carefully down the page of dried ink-spots, as if feeling their meanings rather than reading them. 

_ You talked about me _ , she conveyed.  _ I am ready to Join now…? _

She posed her questions the same way Dax did in its dye-prints - factual until actively disproven. Despite their inherent curiosity, symbionts were often too experienced throughout their lifetimes to doubt  _ anything _ at first glance. 

“Not for a few years,” Ezri said,understanding her perfectly. “See how much bigger everyone in the audience is?”

She swept her arm out at the crowd - some were still seated, some were making their way toward the exits, and some were finally standing and beginning to come forward, armed with their carefully-rehearsed questions. Julian smiled. 

“You can help us answer questions about it, though,” he promised, taking Rali’s hand in his own, after watching it hover aimlessly over the parchment; she had written all she knew, and felt a sense of loss - rather than satisfaction - at the end of the act. “We have a lot more to say, we can use our signs, or our letters…  _ hmm _ , there.”

He helped her find a blank patch on the scroll, and then gestured to her little strip of watercolor chalks, ready to be revived. 

She nodded ‘yes’ with obvious enthusiasm, and Ezri complimented her on being such a good helper. 

“Here’s our first guest!” Julian said, with the same excitement, reaching to shake hands with the first Trill student brave enough to approach with a question - a clear deviation from their cultural assumption that all was well. “What’s your name, what would you like to ask us?”

This time, Julian could not think of anywhere in the universe he would rather be. 


End file.
